Bizzle and Me

Excited?

2009-08-04T09:00:00.002-06:00

07/07/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

Are you getting excited about your trip yet?
It is coming up quickly.
When do you think you will arrive in Niagara?
Lisa found a new apartment and will be moving the 1st of August.
She will still be happy for you to come next week though.
I will try and call you this week to see how you are and what's new.

07/09/09 - Jeff

BRENDA! OMG! WTF! LOL! ROFL-copter!

Excited!? I'm tenting over here like nobody's business! Especially yours.
Ok. Enough.

Yes, I am looking forward to the trip. Katie is on a bus to Calgary right now. I'm hoping to take off right after work tomorrow. Maybe they'll let me leave a little early. I'm kind of packed. I don't really know what I need. I plan on being a dirt bag while there, wearing the same clothes for several days in a row. I've got my tent and I'll bring some blankets. I really don't have a plan for the trip. Stop when I get tired. Eat when I get hungry. Wipe when I poop. We're going through the US of A. I figure we can arrive late Sunday night or Monday morning. It's tough to tell on a trip of this magnitude though.

Apparently, Steve and Michelle who were possibly riding back with us have a car and now driving back on their own. That means the backseat and trunk will be open for stuff. I've been thinking about things that perhaps a well-to-do couple such as you and Ed (celebrity name: Bed?) might have laying around the house. I'm not saying I NEED anything on this list, but if you have extra, I have room to take it.

Here goes:

Food Stuffs - non-perishable food items: tuna, canned vegetables, canned soups, pastas, pasta sauces, spices, microwave popcorn, cured deer meat
Kitchen: small appliances, waffle maker, blender, pots, pans, paper towel, dish soap, garbage bags, someone to cook for me
Hygiene: soap, tooth brushes, tooth paste, vitamins, pain relievers, floss, razors, toilet paper, bath towels, medicated cream for my rash
Misc: batteries, LOONIES (I finally went through all the ones you went in September), dvd player (mine just crapped out), piles of cash, blank dvds or cds

I love how hard I am scamming, but I just wondered if you had an EXTRA of these things. It's wicked to not have to worry about it. Just something to think about. Thanks buddy!

It's stampede right now. I haven't really done a whole lot. I went to the stampede grounds on Sunday because it was Family day or some shit and it was free before 9am. I got up early and scammed my way in. I love scamming. It's kind of ridiculous though. It's $14 to get in and then you have to pay for everything. What's the $14 for? The pleasure of the company of so many amazing people? 'Why are you eating deep fried jelly beans, Fatty?'

Tonight, we are having a work stampede party. I'm not sure what to expect. I don't think it will be quite as ridiculous a party as it was at my last job. That's ok though. It's nice to leave the office a little bit early. Also, Free food! Hopefully, the night will end with a tight belt, some tipsy boots and a sloppy make out. I also have a covert mission to get vomit in an unattended cowboy hat.

I was going to tell you more about my summer snowboard sesh, but I've run out of time. Here are a few pictures.

And here's a picture of Nicolas Cage:

Ok.
Talk to you soon.
I hope all is well and ready for my presence in Niagara.

Peace, love and chippies,
Jeff the Terrible

07/10/09 - Brenda

Thanks for the pictures.
See you soon!!

Chussy Factory

2009-07-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

06/24/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,
How are you?
Are you getting excited about coming to Ontario?
Looking forward to seeing you.
What's new?

06/25/09 - Jeff

Hello dear sweet mother,

I'd like to start by apologizing to Ed. Perhaps you can pass on this message. I failed to call him on Sunday for Father's Day. S-Daddy didn't get no love from me. Oh well, my kids didn't call me either. Probably because I neglect and actively avoid them. Bastards.

So I said I would trade secrest of my life with you a while ago. You followed through and I did not. I'll do my best to bring you up to speed on my all my whacky antics.

Lilac Festival was a little while ago. It's a street festival with plenty of vendors and food and performers etc. It's all down 4th street, which is right outside my house. I watched the parade from my balcony in my underwear. I believe you called me on the telephone machine that morning. I was already testes deep into a couple beers, which turned into a theme for the day. Several of the people you talked to regarding your recent birthday are pictured below.

We didn't spend a lot of time at the Festival. It was hot and busy (like Dave). Mostly we partied at a backyard barbecue. I'm not sure if anyone was actually barbecuing. I didn't get any grilled meats. (That's what she said.)

I've had several Frisbee and Jarts sessions in the hood. That's fun. I like throwing things at other things.

A friend had a last minute cancellation on a ticket to the Evil Dead musical. I reaped the benefits. I think every stage production should have zombies and sprinklers of blood sprayed on the audience. I wasn't in the 'splatter zone' but it was still amazing. I am like 89% sure it was fake blood and 96% sure that the blood was free of diseases. The splatter kids were pretty drenched.

A coworker just taught me several things about myself. Apparently, I have an affinity for all phallic foods and will consume them without question. And I am able to ripen a banana simply by looking at it. Who knew? The things other people see in you...

I started writing this email yesterday, but then was distracted with work. Oh pish! I'm back though, focused on the task at hand.

Last night I went to a 'Factory Party'. Even though it was filled with hipster garbage and art fags, it was pretty fun. Everyone has to out do everyone else in most unique character. It all just looks exhausting. I did manage to gypsy a spray painted gold banana into some random bish's purse. I'd like to have seen her face when she found it. 'Whaa?! A gold banana?! Whooozit?!'

I'm trying to think what else of note may have gone down in the past few weeks. I've seen a few movies in theatres. UP in 3D was cute and probably the only one I've seen that you might be interested in. I don't think Drag Me To Hell is really your type of flick. Even though it was thoroughly entertaining.

Obviously, I've been making out tons. It's like the Chussy Factory is having a Slizzy sale and I am the number one seller.

This weekend I am going to Sunshine Village with Jason and Ryan and a few others. We are going to hike up the mountain to where there is still snow and shrad some sweet snow. It's probably not going to be awesome, but snowboarding is always fun. Plus it's almost July and just to say I've done it is epically hilarious.

I am looking forward to coming to Ontario. I just spoke with Dustin. He's excited for my home trip. Tara is flying in from Dubai tomorrow sometime. Brandon is flying to Korea in a few days, so he will be gone. I am assuming Brendan and Carolyn will be around. I tried calling this week for Brendan's birthday but didn't get through. Their joint effort voicemail was pretty good though. I had a good laugh.

Of course, you and Ed will be around to entertain me to the bitter end. The weekend while I am home, I'll be headed to Ottawa. Black Mountain and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs are playing Bluesfest while we're there. I asked Lisa about tickets but she's not giving me a whole lot of information. Is she in Newfieland with Jessica right now? Hopefully she'll get her act together soon.

Is anything else going on that week? Is Ed retired now? You guys wanna take me to Canada's Wonderland for a day of fun? Can I have ice cream?

I think that is plenty of email for now. Any questions? What's been going on in your life?

I've finally got some pictures of the completed robot and a few of Phil snowboarding. They're at home. I'll have to send them your way later.

Signed,
Paddy Cakes

06/26/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

Thanks for the newsy update. Sounds like you are having some fun anyway. It was nice to talk to you last night.
The unfortunate part of your visit's time is that Joe will be in Paris that week. He is going there for a U2 concert if you can believe it. I don't think I can take any days off but will be happy to entertain you in the evening and cook you many wonderful things. Feel free to invite friends over if you like.

We are headed to the trailer for the weekend and Lisa will be home on Sunday night.
Thanks again for the update.

Talk to you soon.
I don't have any pictures right now but will send you some from the house.

Love,
Mommy Dearest

06/26/09 - Jeff

Hi.

U2 sucks. Paris is cool though.

Don't fret my pet. We'll find lots of ways for you to make my visit special. You can start by prepping the piles of cash and 'massage therapists' now.

ps. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett?

About 4 hours.

Lisa Turns 22

2009-07-28T09:00:00.002-06:00

06/08/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff
Did you have hail on the weekend!
Did you know that today is Lisa's birthday?
She is 22.
Just in case you wanted to send her a text message.
Love,
Mom

06/08/09 - Jeff

Hello dear sweet tender Brender,

There was hail in Calgary on the weekend and a sprinkling of snow during the rain. Also, the temperature dropped to 0 degrees. How did you know that? Are you a weather wizard? Anyway, it was a terrific weekend to stay inside and experiment with my homosexual urges. Just kidding....? I pirated movies and music and ate French toast.

Of course I know that it's Lisa's birthday today. If you remember we actually dated for a short time in the 90s. So yea, we were pretty close. It ended amicably. We still keep in touch, no awkardness or anything. Oh wait...I think I have my life experiences mixed. Lisa is your daughter, right? Who am I thinking of? Nevermind.

What is Lisa's cell number? Apparently, I don't have it. I tried sending her a message at midnight last nigh, but the number I have is a landline. Did you send her bundles of goodies? Or perhaps and ecard? Strp-o-gram? Perhaps something your mother passed to you and now you to your daughter? Medication?

Is Lisa 22 now? Nothing...nevermind.

Tell me about your weekend in painful detail. I want to hear everything. If you do a good job, I will, in turn, share with you the secrets of my life here in Calgary.

Thanks again for birthing me,
Tickles McGillicuddy of the Manatee Jamboree

06/08/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

Well first I worked late on Friday and then I went hom and had a quick shower.
Packed up the cooler bag and headed out to the trailer. We got there about 7:30pm and had a few snack (including a beer) (a light one of course)
Then we had a campfire and went to bed around 10pm.
Got up around 7:30 Saturday morning and read the newspaper, had a cup of tea and then watched Denis and Ed level the patio stones around the fire pit. Had some lunch around noon. Chicken burgers with salad done on the barbecue. After lunch we did a little more work around the trailer and then I started getting dinner ready. (we take turns cooking and it was our turn)
We had blackened halibut steaks and shrimp on skewers with rice, grilled asparagus and a strawberry salad. Had another fire and went to bed around 10pm.
Sunday we did a little more work, watered the grass because we haven't had any rain. And that's about it. Got home about 7:30 last night.
Went to work today. How's that for painful details?
I will look up Lisa's cell and get it to you soon.

06/08/09 - Jeff

That WAS painful.
Haha, tricked you. I know all your secrets and I'm not telling you anything.
Give me Lisa's number now. No more games.

06/08/09 - Brenda

No, but I really want to know all the painful details of your life.
Lisa's cell
613-25x-xxxx
There it is. Text away.

Quarter of a Century

2009-07-24T09:00:00.001-06:00

09/14/07 - Brenda

So now that you have given me your address and phone number, you haven't told me what you want for your birthday.
Some curtains?
What do you need for your apartment?

04/14/07 - Jeff

Curtains?! What are you? High!?!
I don't know. I don't need anything. I need you? and a stress free life of no bills.

09/14/07 - Brenda

There is no stress free life of no bills when you are a grown up!!
unless you win the lottery?

09/14/07 - Jeff

Maybe I'll start gambling like Jim!!
You have good answers.

09/14/07 - Brenda

I was going to recommend that, but then I thought it would be in poor taste.
I guess you just have to be a grown up now. Maybe go back to school and get one of those high paying professional jobs.

09/14/07 - Jeff

You know how much I hate jokes or comments in poor taste.
Good choice.
I'll be able to afford more school when I'm dead.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

09/24/07 - Jeff

What time are you flying in this weekend?

09/24/07 - Brenda

I wish I was. Are you lonely?
Why don't you come home?
I would bake a cake!!

09/24/07 - Jeff

Yea, I'll fly in for two days...wicked!

09/24/07 - Brenda

I guess Dave has disconnect the home phone. If you want to reach me now you can call me at Ed's
905-22x-xxxx
Just in case you wanted to call!
or come for a visit.

09/24/07 - Jeff

Yea man, I'm flying in on Friday night.
...and I'm using magic to do so. For one night only. MAGIC! PIXIE DUST!!
See you then.

09/24/07 - Brenda

Sounds like fun!!
Did you realize that you are going to be 1/4 of a century old?

09/24/07 - Jeff

I got a birthday card from Terry with scratch tickets today.
I didn't win.
I also didn't get any scratch tickets from you.
It's a gateway drung into gambling.
I'm gonna hit the casino after work.

09/25/07 - Brenda

No, No, no casinos.
You should go to church instead.

Scam

2009-07-21T09:00:00.000-06:00

10/19/07 - Brenda

Hey Jeff,

I just read something in the paper about Canadian Niagara Hotels and an agreement they reached with the union. Was there something that you voted on last August about the union?

It said they brought an arbitrator in who is making the CNH pay all of their employees who worked there last August who voted on some agreement $100 bonus. (The only hitch is you had to have voted)

If you did, let me know because I know someone who works there in payroll and she said that she would make sure that you got the money.

10/19/07 - Jeff

Yea, I totally voted.
Get me my cash, man.
and don't mess around with this business.

Peace.

Get your own email.

10/22/07 - Brenda

I have Charlene looking into getting you a cheque. I guess the company wants to fight the issue so it may take a while.
I will keep you updated.

How was your weekend?

10/22/07 - Jeff

Is there any effort for this on your part or Charlene's? or is it just a waiting game? Is there a detailed list of who voted or not?

Because I actually stopped working there in April. I was working with Phil in August. I just wanted free money. Try and scam it for me if you can.

10/23/07 - Brenda

You were working with Phil who?
I am not sure, but I think the lawyers will be working it out for a while.

10/23/07 - Jeff

Phil, my brother. Your son.
You dork.

10/23/07 - Brenda

Was that the short roofing stint you did?

10/23/07 - Jeff

Do you remember me at all?
Come on, Brenda! I did that for a few months.

10/23/07 - Brenda

Of course, I remember you.
How could anyone forget you!?

Yo Email Address

2009-07-17T21:00:00.000-06:00

10/19/07 - Brenda

Hi Jeff

Are you there?
I haven't heard from you in a while and I was wondering how things are going?
Did you get my pictures and email?
What's new?
10/19/07 - Jeff

Yo,

Get your own email account.

Just go to hotmail or gmail or something. It takes 2 minutes.
I am not replying to anything in Ed's email account.

Seriously.

I sent you an email yesterday.

10/19/07 - Brenda

Where did you send it?
Why wouldn't you sent me anything on Ed's email?
He really is a nice guy, you know? You should get to know him.

Do I still have the hotmail account that I used to chay with Lisa on Msn?
I can't remember what it was, but I haven't used it in over a year.

10/19/07 - Jeff

I don't know. Ask Lisa.

But seriously, everyone in the world has a personal email address but you. Your mother has one. I bet little Jordan has one too.

I sent an email yesterday to this account.

Just set up a new one. Who cares?

10/19/07 - Brenda

Hi

I didn't get your email from yesterday. What did you say?
How do I set up an email account?

10/19/07 - Jeff

Click that - Sign up.
You're a smart cookie.

(Link to hotmail)

Yesterday's email:

What's up, Brenda? What's shaking?

I heard Jim's letter made it to Ontario. With 90% of the contents lost along the way. He got half an envelope and a torn business card. Awesome.

What did you get? A stamp and a sticket? Anything?

I get to go to a Chamber of Commerce mixer tonight with me boss. We're gonna schmooze.

See ya.

Bizzle's Big Birthday

2009-07-14T21:00:00.000-06:00

05/28/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff
Thanks for the great card.
I am touched that you remembered.
I hope you have fun at my party.
Love
Mom

05/28/09 - Jeff

Hi Bizzle-boo,

I remember everything. What are you doing for your big gay birthday? Exotic dancers? Pop and chip party with your closest friends and a creepy clown doing magic that borders on Satanic, but remains playful? Both? Something in between?
I hope your day is filled with magic and butterflies and puppies and kisses.
Thank you for being born. Without you, my life would have been a lot different. I'm thinking a life with a lot more chicken fried rice.

You're good at what you do...whatever that is.

From,
Baby Jeff

Halloween

2009-07-10T09:00:00.003-06:00

11/03/08 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

How are you?

Did you have a good weekend?

What is new?

We didn't do much this weekend. Handed out cant to kids Friday night. Not very many thought. Only about 50 kids showed up.

Cleared out some of the garden on Saturday and Sunday. That is about it. I still feel weird from flying, thinking there might be something wrong with my ears. I feel dizzy most of the time. I thought it was jet lag, but now I am starting to think there might be something wrong. I don't think jet lag lasts this long.

Ed had a birthday on Thursday, so we went out for dinner. That is about all that is new with me.

11/03/08 - Jeff

Hi Brenda,

I am fine.

I had a good weekend. I dressed as a member of Team Zissou. It was fun. I went to a few parties with people, then had a big slumber party so people did not have to drive. I was wondering if you had gone back to work. You hadn't emailed. I looked at pictures that Ed posted. There are some good ones.

I watched lots of horror movies this weekend and I will probably keep watching them, because they are fun.

Maybe it's not jetlag. Maybe you are very sick with a head disease that kills your head. You should get your deadly head disease checked out...so you don't die. Guess who has two thumbs and zero AIDS.... This GUY!

Happy Birthday to Ed. How old is he now? 104? In and around that age? Where did you go for dinner? Did you have a party?

Sunshine Village is supposed to open this weekend but there is no snow. That is rather upsetting. I was really looking forward to getting up there. There will be a big storm soon and it will probably just get dumped on, but for now it's disappointing. I'm going to snowboard!

11/04/08 - Brenda

Good to hear from you.

I am glad you had a good weekend. What is team Zissou?

Ed is 52 and not really that old.

We went to the Lakehouse for dinner. Shame about the snow, but it will be here soon enough. It is supposed to be 20 degrees here today, which is really nice because the day we came back from Holidays, it snowed here.

I think Lisa has snow.

Have a good day.

11/04/08 - Jeff

So, why are there no pictures of you partying on vacation? Don't you know how to take party pictures?

This is Team Zissou:

From this movie:

How 'Bout That Weather?

2009-07-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

12/15/08 - Jeff

So, it's 11 degrees there right now?

It's -28, but feels like -37 here today. I think yesterday might have been even colder and I don't see anything in the forecast this week that is warmer than -16, not factoring in the wind. AWESOME!
I have to walk about 12 blocks to get to work. There is a +15 system in which I can stay inside for about 8 of those blocks. I took advantage of that this morning.

I did not go snowboarding this weekend. I heard Sunshine was closed yesterday and is still not open yet today. And being in the mountains, it is even colder there than here. I hear with windchill it is supposed to be about -50 there today.

11 degrees, huh?

12/15/08 - Brenda

Wow. That sounds cold.
Yes, it is warm right now but getting colder. Not as cold as you have it.
Phil wants to come now. Are there any deals still and can you still get time off?

12/15/08 - Jeff

Yea, prices are about the same in January.
The early morning flights are cheaper, but if he spends like $20 more he can have one extra day here and go home in the evening. Check it out. I was thinking weekend to weekend, but whatever. We could to mid-week to mid-week. Doesn't matter to me. I should be able to get the time off.

I heard you are going to help him out because it is his birtday and you are very giving and want me to have family.

I am already not looking forward to going outside to get home. I tried to buy a wii on the weekend so I could play, but the few places I went were sold out. I'm sure I will be able to get one if I try real hard.

12/16/08 - Brenda

Okay, it is -10 here today. Do you feel better?

How do I find out about a flight? Could you send me the web site again? I think Saturday to Saturday will work out fine, so I could get him to the airport if he needs a ride.

Is there anything you would like for Christmas. Long underwear? Anything to keep you warm?

12/16/08 - Jeff

It's a tough website to remember. It's called http://www.westjet.com/. Most other 'deal' websites just refer back to westjet for the best price anyway.

I don't need anything for Christmas. Just a wii.

12/16/08 - Brenda

There are no more wii's. They sold all of them.

12/16/08 - Jeff

Don't toy with me, woman.

Let's get these trip details planned soon, k?

My health benefits kicked in last week. And they are reset by the calendar year, so I have two massages booked this week and I will try for more next week.

12/17/08 - Brenda

Well I was all ready to book a trip for Phil and he said that he talked to Pat yesterday and he may be going to Fort McMurray on Jan 2. So I have to delay again.

He will let us all know what he is doing soon.
Love you,
Mom

12/19/08 - Jeff

Dear Brenda,

I got a wii last night.

Please send Phil to come play it with me. I want to have the Shaun White snowboard game for wii. Send him with that game. Thank you.

12/22/08 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

I am glad that you got a wii.
Did you go snowboarding this weekend?
We had a big snowstorm and close the restaurant early on Friday.
Lisa didn't come home until Sunday morning because of all the snow.
We have over a foot of snow here. We miss you and want you to come home for Christmas!!

What's new?

Ziploc Omelet Forward

2009-07-02T04:48:00.003-06:00

04/09/09 - Brenda

Ziploc Omelet

(This works Great!! Grood for when all your family is together. The best part is that no one has to wait for their special omelet!)
Have guests write their name on a quart-size Ziploc freezer bag with permanent marker. Crack 2 eggs into the bag (Not more than 2) Shake to combine.

Put out a variety of ingredients such as: cheeses, ham, onion, green pepper, tomato, hash browns, salsa, etc. Each guest adds ingredients of their choice to their bag and shake. Make sure to get the air out of the bag and zip it up.
Place bags into rolling boiling water for exactly 13 minutes [we did 15 minutes]. You can usually cook 6-8 omelets in a large pot. For more make another pot of boiling water.

Open the bags and roll out easily. Be prepared for everyone to be amazed.
Nice to serve with fresh fruit and coffee cake; everyone gets involved in the process and a great conversation piece.

4/09/09 - Jeff

Is this what you think of me? Is this what you think of my culinary skills?

I'm disappointed in myself...

04/09/09 - Brenda

Never.

I just thought you could have a Sunday morning brunch party!

What do you think!

04/09/09 - Jeff

Party? Like with all the chicks that stayed over Saturday night?! ROCK N ROLL!!!

04/09/09 - Brenda

No. With your nice friends that go to church with you.

Then you can have them over after church for fellowship.

04/09/09 - Jeff

I don't church. And I definitely do not 'fellowship'.

Cold?

2009-06-30T09:59:00.002-06:00

05/20/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,
I heard that it was cold in Alberta.
Did you have any snow this weekend?
What did you do for fun with your extra day off?
I worked.
Lisa is working at Betty's now until her other job comes through.

Phil bought another car last night from a crazy guy.
It is a 2003 Saturn and seems to be pretty good, Hopefully it will last him a while. Things are busy at work and that's about all I have been doing lately. Some gardening at home but that is about it.

Talk to you soon.
Love,
Mom

PS. I did get your text message but I have trouble texting back.

05/21/09 - Jeff

Hi Brenda Bizzle Bomb-diggity,

You're cool.

You have heard from me. Just not in the way you like. I sent you a text message about my gayness. Remember? And you don't like responding because you have to hit little buttons multiple times on a damn-fangled cell phone. You'll figure it out. No worries. I changed my plan to have free unlimited texts, so I can send you one everyday if you like. 'Good morning Brenda, I just pooped.' Follow-up: 'p.s. in the toilet.'

Good for Phil and his new car. It sounds nice. Not a Taurus or anything, but still decent. I like that tidbit about buying the car from a crazy guy. Not necessary, but appreciated. Tell Phil to check the glove box for body parts. Is he going back to work in Alberta sometime? Does he talk about his time here...with me? Did he love it more than anything? Does he cry?

Sucker for Lisa. When I talked to her last weekend she laughed at the thought of working at Betty's. I guess she is a chump now. At least you get to have her around all the time. Your little baby girl. Your tiny sweet cherub. Your perfect widdle angel.

I talked to Jim last week. Remember him? You used to be married to him. You had like 4 children together. No? No big deal. He's alright. He talks of visiting the wild west. I wonder how that would go. I'd have a sweet new room mate.

I went snowboarding for the last time this season on May 2-4/Victoria Day Monday or as it's known in Alberta 'May Long'. It was slushy. I drove and then lost my keys. That was fun. They were turned in eventually. Lucky for me. It's a big mountain...with bears. They could have been anywhere.

During the weekend, I also drank a lot. I'm talking unhealthy amounts. You'd be ashamed of me. I can't wait til the time when you come to Alberta and drink that much with me...in Ed's motorhome. That still a go? Let me know. I'll put away all my illicit substances before you get here.

I'm looking into dates when I might meander home. I'm not sure if I will do a road trip home or fly stylez. I guess it depends how much time I want to spend there. A lot of my friends are in foreign countries now. Brandon and Sean are both in Korea now. Tara is in Dubai.

I've attached a recent picture of me. i think I look friggin' handsome.

Is that enough email from me? Anything else? Oh, I cut off my mullet. It wasn't funny anymore.

Signed your son,
Mr. Boombastic

Ps. The weather is ok right now. Sometimes it's not ok. And then other times, it is.
Pps. I notice that neither of us mentioned David -the other member of our direct family. How queer.

05/22/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,

Nice picture. I like the glasses.

I didn't mention Dave because I don't want to say negative things about him. He is getting himself into all sorts of trouble these days.

How is Jim? I heard he was moving.

Lisa got a call yesterday from Ottawa saying that she will be starting her new job on Monday so the Betty's thing is over and she is headed back on Sunday. We thought we would have a little send off for her on saturday night. If you feel like sending good wishes by text. I like getting texts. I am just very bad at sending them.

Not much else new but I hope you have a good weekend. We are still hoping to come in September but would love to have you come and visit anytime. Lisa will now be in Ottawa though but coming home for Stephen's wedding if you wanted to join her.

Phil has not had all the stuff straightened our about the Sun Corp thing yet so can't work there yet. He is hoping it all works out though. Did you hear that Pat & Janet have a new dog. A puppy named Dexter. If you check Janet's facebook, you will probably see pictures.

Talk to you soon.

Love,
Mom

Tater Salad

2009-06-26T09:29:00.003-06:00

03/31/07 - Jeff

Tell me how to proper make potato salad.
What else should I know how to make?

04/02/07 - Brenda

Hi Jeff
I just got your message this morning.
If you cook potatoes with the skin on and then you peel them while they are still warm. (best mixed warm)
Hard boil eggs.
Cut up some green onion and celery if you like.
Add warm potatoes and chopped hard boiled eggs. I usually add a little seasoning salt and some dill. Then I mix in about half miracle whip and half coleslaw dressing. Chop some apple and add and mix it all up.

Thanks about it.

Getting dinner ideas for Lyn?

04/02/07 - Jeff

My favourite part was when you said 'Thanks about it.' It really made me think about the war in Iraq...and our own humanity.
Who's Lyn?
I just want some tater salad...Wanna mail me some?

04/02/07 - Brenda

You are such a cheeky boy. I meant to say "that's about it". I will proof read all subsequent emails.

Meet Alistair

2009-06-24T17:16:00.007-06:00

1/20/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff,
How are you?
I heard it has been a little warmer in Calgary.
Have you been snowboarding?
Not much is new here. We have been stripping the wallpaper in the living room, so we can paint.

1/21/09 - Jeff

Hi Brenda,
I have attached some pictures for you, so you can look at my handsome face. I am so terribly handsome.

It has been warm in Calgary. Yesterday was about 10. Right now it's like 5. I have been boarding. I went on Saturday. My arms are still sore. I don't really know why. A few falls, I guess. I have been snowboarding bigger leading to bigger falls. I landed on my face from a height the other day. It was epic. Saturday was the day we partied in Banff for Jen's birthday. No Pants Dance Party. Whacky good times.
There are pictures in here of Joy's Christmas party and Allistair the pig that lives near my house, and the panda stencil I painted on my helmet, and when Katie the pregnant Asian came to visit from Vancouver and the hat Lisa made for me.

Enjoy.
Keep stripping or whatever your hobby is now.

01/21/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff

Thanks for the pictures. You are very handsome. Nice suit and it was nice to see that you were wearing pants. Was that Jen with you all dressed up?

You seem to be having fun and it is nice to see you got to see a Christmas tree this year.

Did you get the snowboarding pictures yet? I am glad that you wear a helmet, but you should still be careful. Face landings aren't good.

I will talk to you soon.

Love
Mom

1/23/09 - Brenda

Who does Alistair the pig belong to?

01/23/09 - Jeff

Yo Brendie,

Allistair lives in a pet store. You can take him for walks. I haven't done that yet, but I have good intentions.

You'll be happy to know that the Christmas tree pictures were not in a happy home, but in a bar in which we were partying. Also the presents were fake.

Anything else? I don't know. Good stuff!

Dirty Weekend

2009-06-21T21:01:00.000-06:00

02/10/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff

Where are you?
I haven't heard from you in a while

02/10/09 - Jeff

Hi Bizzle,

I am very sick. And I have been taken hostage by Palestinian soldiers. And my hands fell off. And I am on vacation in a remote Columbian village. And black people stole my computer. And I'm just really depressed. And I've become addicted to crack. And I forgot how to read. And I have been abducted by martians. And my hands fell off again.

These are the reasons I cannot answer your emails.

That's neat that you are thinking of coming to visit. We can totally get wasted together and trash Ed's RV. If you come in September, you can bring me my massive pile of birthday presents.

I was talking to Lisa and I was thinking of using my vacation time to do a road trip home and party in Ottawa in early August. There looks to be a fun music festival. Also, she is now finishing university and I have never visited her. Maybe on the way to Ottawa, I could stop in and see you for an afternoon.

I built a robot on the weekend. You can chug beers from his pee pee. Also he is inspirational because he has Obama stencils painted on him. Obama is black and that is inspirational. The PartyTron Robama-bot 2001 - Science from the Future.

I am going snowboarding in the montoons this weekend. It is Ryan's birthday (dirty thirty) and Valentine's day (dirty love with Ryan) and Family day weekend (we know a thing or two about dirty families, don't we?) and I am taking an extra long weekend (Christina Aguilera dirty). It's going to be a dirty weekend.

Thanks for all your patience and support. I am happy to get skates from you.

Everything is good.

Below is a picture of my face.

02/10/09 - Brenda

I thought you might send me a picture of your robot.

Good to hear all is well.

Lisa told me that you might be going to visit her, sounds like fun. It would be cool if you came to visit us as well or we could meet you in Ottawa.

Talk to you soon. Have a fun weekend snowboarding and say Happy Birthday to Ryan (what are montoons?) Happy Valentines.

Love,

Mom

02/18/09 - Jeff

I am back from my trip and back to work. Blah. I need a vacation after my vacation. I went snowboarding 4 out of the last 5 days and was in the car the whole rest of the 5th day. I have injuries including a busted up tailbone. And big bruise.

It looks like my package got to you. Is that correct? Are my taxes all done now? I know how much you like being my tax hero. Tell me I get lots of money back.

Anything else? I don't know. I want to lay on my stomach in bed. The office chair is hurting my tail bum.

02/19/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff

Was it fun or just full of infuries? Nice bruises.

I hope you had a good time!

Did you get lots of sleep last night?

It is usually the way that you need a vacation after your vacation.

Was there a lot of good snow?

I just took Lisa to the bus station this morning to go back to Ottawa. She was meeting Johnson in Toronto and he was going to Ottawa for the weekend. We had fun this week.

Your taxes are not done but I did receive and envelope. I will look at the stuff soon.

Have fun and it is almost Friday.

Love,

Mom

02/19/09 - Jeff

I am assuming infuries are something like injuries. I have a few of those and oodles of fun.

It's only Thursday. Lisa is already back to Ottawa. You only got her for a few days. Oh man, your baby girl is slipping away! You better watch that [Johnson] kid. He seems like a trickster and a swindler!

Phil keeps teasing me with promises of trips. I think he is turning me down again. What a jerk! You should tell him just to come for a weekend. It sounds like he's making lots of money.

I hope you're having a WONDERFUL day. You totally deserve it.

02/20/09 - Brenda

Hi Jeff

Glad to hear you are feeling better.

You know that the injuries you received now from these extreme sports come back to haunt you in about 20 years. Knees and back start to ache all the time. Maybe you should take it a little easier.

I heard Phil was teasing you but may be going back to work again. I keep telling him he should go visit you while he is there. You would both have a great time.

Have a good weekend. Anything fun planned?

I thought I might work on tax stuff!

You deserve a great day as well!!

Mazda

2009-06-21T21:00:00.000-06:00

02/02/08 - Brenda

Hi
I wanted to tell you that my little car reached 200,000 km yesterday.
It is a good little car and since you put quite a few of those kilometers on it, I thought that you might like to know.
I thought I would take it out and celebrate with a wash or something.

The Inspiration

2009-06-21T01:00:00.001-06:00

05/01/08 - Brenda

Hi Jeff
You didn't really answer me yesterday.
Is everything okay?

05/01/08 - Jeff

Shut up.

You want me to answer your emails? Why not put a little substance into them? Email is a give and take situation. I'm not going to put a whole whack of effort into an email if you just send me one line zingers.

NO I'M NOT FINE!!! I HAVE CANCER-AIDS!!!! Yesterday I couldn't email you back because I was pooing watery blood poo all day. Also, I have lesions that are itchy.

ps. all of the above is an exaggeration. I'm fine. Nothing is new. I am still poor and black.

Also, we got mariokart on Sunday and that's a butt-load of fun. You could come over and play. How's everything with you, sweetheart? Is Ed (your boyfriend) still a prince?

Kisses...

Brenda's Response

I cannot find her full original response, but it started with "I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well." It went on to give me a full account of life back home. I guess my rant worked.